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Relationships: Why Are Some Men Attracted To Unavailable Women?

Even though a man may have the desire to be in an intimate relationship with a woman, he may continually end up with women who are not available. Through having been with a number of women who are like this, he may find that this area of his life causes him to experience a fair amount of frustration.

If he was to look back on his life, he may see what this is something that has been going on for a number of years, or it could have been going on for a few decades. No matter how long it has been going on for, he is most likely going to want this area of his life to change before long.

A False Impression

When he first met these women, he may have come to believe that he had finally found someone who was ready to have an intimate relationship. It would then have been as if the lights were on green, only for him to find out that this was just a mirage.

Consequently, he may have given himself a hard time, finding it hard to comprehend how he was duped all over again. At this point, he could have ended up blaming the woman he was with, seeing her as yet another woman who has wasted his time.

In The Beginning

If he was to think about what is was like when he first met these women, he could think about how interested they were. Right from the off, they would have shown a lot of interest in him.

Along with being happy to spend time with him on a regular basis, they may have been very affectionate, too. One thing that could also stand out is what their sex life was like, with this being something that was very fulfilling.

Two Extremes

To use an analogy, it would have been as though at one stage they were in the Sahara desert, while at another, they were in the North Pole. Going from one climate to another would have been difficult for them to deal with.

It might not have always been this swift, though, as there may have been times when it happened in a more gradual fashion. This might have meant that it took them a little while to notice what was going on.

For Example

So, the woman may have found time to see them a few times a week and then this started to change as time went by. As time went by and things became more serious, he may have found that she was rarely free.

In addition to this, she may have just about lost interest in sex over time. She would then have gone from being warm and available, to being cold and out of reach.

A Clear Sign

However, what may become clear is that just because a woman comes on strong in the beginning, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is available. In fact, this can be a clear sign that she is not available.

If a woman was actually ready to have an intimate relationship, she would most likely take her time to get to know a man. With an open heart, she wouldn't want to just want let anyone into her life.

A Big Difference

For her to come on strong straight away and to even be open to having sex just as soon can show that her heart is closed. Getting naked is one thing, but it is another thing altogether for someone to reveal their true-self.

Yet, what would have made it hard for him to realise this is if he was caught up in what was taking place. His emotions would then have been all over the place, making it hard for him to think clearly.

What's going on?

A man like this could come to believe that this is just what women are like - the downside here is that this is would mean that there is not a lot that he can do. This area of his life is going to be completely out of his hands.

What can't be overlooked here is that he is the person who keeps showing up, which means that he is playing a part in what is going on. If he was to go deep within himself, he may find is that the reason he keeps ending up with women like this is due to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable.

Two Levels

Consciously, then, he will have the desire to find a woman who is unavailable, but unconsciously, he will not want to get too close to a woman. The women he attracts are then going to be mirroring back what is taking place within him at a deeper level.

The reason he can't see this can be due to the defences that he has built up over the years; these defences will keep his feelings at bay. If these defences were removed, he might soon realise why he experiences life in this way.

Way Back

During his early years, his mother may have ended up getting to close to him, smothering him in the process. This would have caused him to feel violated, yet he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.

Emotionally shutting down would have most likely been the only way for him to handle this pain. This would have caused him to lose touch with his emotional self, but this would have been a small price to pay.

Awareness

Deep within his being, getting emotionally close to a woman will be seen as something that will cause him to lose himself - to be annihilated. His conscious mind will experience a fair amount of anger and frustration by experiencing life in this way, but to his unconscious mind this will be what feels safe.

If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change this area of his life, he may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, he will be able to work through his inner wounds.

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Relationships: Is It Possible To End Up With The Wrong Person?

Just as one can choose something on a menu and end up finding out that it is not very appealing to their taste buds; they can also end up choosing someone to be in a relationship with, only to find out that they are not a good match. However, although one can just stop eating a meal that doesn't do anything for them, they might not simply be able to walk away from a relationship that is not right.

Due to the amount of time that one has been with this person for, they may have become strongly attached to them. If they are not a good match this is going to be bad enough, but if the other person is abusive, it is going to be even worse.

A Mismatch

There would have most likely been the type of person who they had in mind before they got into the relationship and then, there would have been the type of person who they actually ended up with once they did. If they were to compare the idea that they had in their head with the person they are with, it could similar to the difference between night and day.

Due to how different this person is, one could wonder how they have ended up in this position. It could be as if they have ordered one meal but ended up being given another meal entirely.

A One-Off

If this is the first time that this has taken place, it might be easier for them to handle. One could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and that their luck will soon change.

So, once they cut their ties with this person, it might only be a matter of time before they are able to find someone who is right for them. It might not be easy for them to end the relationship but it will be something that they need to do.

A Pattern

Then again, there is the chance that this is not the first time that this has taken place. In fact, this could be a scenario that has played out for as long as they can remember.

They will have been with a number of people who were not right for them. Consequently, one could see themselves as being unlucky or they could believe that someone or something is holding them back.

No Effect

Bearing in mind that there will be what one wants and then there will be what they get, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel as though they have no control over this area of their life. When it comes to other areas of their life, it could be a very different story.

For example, one could have a very successful career and they may have a number of close friends. If one was able to detach from what is going on in this area of their life and to think about why this area of their life might this way, it may give them the opportunity to change their life.

A Deeper Look

Through being curious about why their life is the way it is and looking for answers, they may come to see that there are at least two parts to their being. One part is called their conscious mind and another part is called their unconscious mind.

The first part will have a have small impact on their life, while the second part will have a big impact on their life. What may then occur to them is that, for so long, they were not even aware that this part of them existed, let alone aware of what was taking place in this part of them.

Turning the Lights On

By becoming aware of what is taking place in this part of their being, they might gradually come to see why they are drawn to certain people. These people might only tick a few of the boxes that they have in their conscious mind, but they will most likely tick off all the boxes that are in their unconscious mind.

In a way, their conscious mind will be like one person and their unconscious mind will be like another. But even though there are two people, one of these people will have far more control than the other.

The Primary Need

This other person is not going to be interested in being with someone who will make them happy or who will respect them, for instance; what this person really wants it to replay what took place many, many years ago. In other words, their unconscious mind will want one to be with someone who will allow them to re-experience what took place during their early years.

This is not because this part of their being wants to see them suffer; it is because this part of them wants them to heal their wounds and to become whole. By coming into contact with someone who is also wounded in a similar way, it will bring up to the surface the parts of them that they have lost touch with, and thereby allow them to work through their pain.

Self-Knowledge

Without this understanding in place, it is will be perfectly normal for one to see other people as the problem. History will be repeating itself but one's conscious mind will be completely unaware of what is going on.

Instead of being able to see that is going on and to heal their inner wounds, they will just react to what is taking place. More pain will then be added to their existing pain, as opposed to working through the pain that they have been carrying for so long.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to work through their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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One of The Most Eye Opening Speeches | WILL SMITH

Relationships: Why Do Some Men Want A Mother Figure?

Just because a man looks like a man, it doesn't mean that he feels likes like a man on the inside. What is going on externally is then going to have very little to do with what is going on internally.

Still, even though his physical appearance will create the impression that he is a man, it doesn't mean that his behaviour will create the same impression. His behaviour is then going to shed light on what is happening within him.

Two Experiences

Now, while he may be aware that he feels like a boy, there is also the chance that he isn't aware. If he is aware of this he may end up looking into what he can do to change how he feels.

Through doing this, it will give him to chance to emotionally grow up and to grow into a strong man in the process. On the other hand, if he hasn't been able to step back and how he feels is just seen as a normal part of him, his life is unlikely to change.

An Identity

Due to how long he has felt this way for, it is not going to occur to him that he feels like a boy. The emotional experience that he has is then just going to be seen as part of who he is.

Even so, this doesn't mean that there won't be moments in his life when he ends up feeling frustrated and angry. Yet, when this does happen, it might not be long until he ends up feeling down and even depressed.

A Bleak Existence

As a result of how he feels and the view that he has of himself and the world, it may mean that he is used to being walked over by others. This is likely to show that it is a challenge for him to stand his ground.

Along with this, he may also lack a sense of direction, not knowing what he wants to do with his life. Therefore, even if he has a job, it doesn't mean that he will feel as though he is on the right track.

Up and Down

If his emotions are generally out of balance, this is going to be another area of his life that causes him problems. The emotional part of his being is not going to be on his side, so to speak, it will be working against him.

Consequently, there may be a number of things in the external world that he relies on to sooth his emotions. One way he may do this is by masturbating to porn and/or he might take drugs, for instance.

A Strong Attraction

When it comes to the type of woman that a man like this is drawn to, it is unlikely that this will be a woman who is very feminine. The reason for this is that this man is going to want a woman who possesses what he hasn't developed.

This is not to say that he will be consciously aware of the kind of women that he is attracted to, though, as this could be something that he hasn't thought about. But even if he is not aware of the type of women that he is drawn to, it may become clear if he was to think about the kind of women he has been with or drawn to over the years.

A Closer Look

As he lacks a sense of direction, is emotionally unstable and finds it hard to assert himself, the woman he is drawn to can be someone who takes care of this for him. The woman is then going to be strongly attached to her masculine energy, while he will be strongly attached to his feminine energy.

From the outside, a woman like this may appear to be a strong woman, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. Instead, this could be a woman who has lost touch with her feminine aspect due to the fact that she doesn't feel safe enough to embrace this side of her being.

A False-Self

The self that she presents to the world is then a mask that she we wears to keep her inner wounds at bay. How she feels deep down is then going to be mirrored back to her by the type of man that she ends up with.

Unconsciously, he will see her as someone who will give him that he didn't get as a child and in him, she will see the part of herself that she has lost touch with and needs to be rescued, which means that both of them will be emotionally unavailable and unable to be present in the relationship. Both of them will be playing a role, making it more or less impossible for them to deeply connect with each other.

The Way Forward

In order for a man like this to end up with a woman who is in touch with her feminine aspect, he will need to embrace his masculine aspect. By working through his own inner wounds, he will no longer look toward a women to give him a sense of direction, to sooth his emotions or to sort his challenges out.

Once this has taken place, a will be able to attract a woman who has embraced her feminine aspect and feels safe enough to be vulnerable around him. There may be moments when he occasionally sees her as his mother, but a big part of him will know that she isn't.

Awareness

If a man is looking for a mother figure it may show that his mother and father were emotionally unavailable during his early years. The love that he needed from his mother and the guidance that he needed from his father wouldn't have been provided.

When it comes to healing the early damage, a man may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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