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Relationships: Why Are Some Men Attracted To Unavailable Women?

Even though a man may have the desire to be in an intimate relationship with a woman, he may continually end up with women who are not available. Through having been with a number of women who are like this, he may find that this area of his life causes him to experience a fair amount of frustration.

If he was to look back on his life, he may see what this is something that has been going on for a number of years, or it could have been going on for a few decades. No matter how long it has been going on for, he is most likely going to want this area of his life to change before long.

A False Impression

When he first met these women, he may have come to believe that he had finally found someone who was ready to have an intimate relationship. It would then have been as if the lights were on green, only for him to find out that this was just a mirage.

Consequently, he may have given himself a hard time, finding it hard to comprehend how he was duped all over again. At this point, he could have ended up blaming the woman he was with, seeing her as yet another woman who has wasted his time.

In The Beginning

If he was to think about what is was like when he first met these women, he could think about how interested they were. Right from the off, they would have shown a lot of interest in him.

Along with being happy to spend time with him on a regular basis, they may have been very affectionate, too. One thing that could also stand out is what their sex life was like, with this being something that was very fulfilling.

Two Extremes

To use an analogy, it would have been as though at one stage they were in the Sahara desert, while at another, they were in the North Pole. Going from one climate to another would have been difficult for them to deal with.

It might not have always been this swift, though, as there may have been times when it happened in a more gradual fashion. This might have meant that it took them a little while to notice what was going on.

For Example

So, the woman may have found time to see them a few times a week and then this started to change as time went by. As time went by and things became more serious, he may have found that she was rarely free.

In addition to this, she may have just about lost interest in sex over time. She would then have gone from being warm and available, to being cold and out of reach.

A Clear Sign

However, what may become clear is that just because a woman comes on strong in the beginning, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is available. In fact, this can be a clear sign that she is not available.

If a woman was actually ready to have an intimate relationship, she would most likely take her time to get to know a man. With an open heart, she wouldn't want to just want let anyone into her life.

A Big Difference

For her to come on strong straight away and to even be open to having sex just as soon can show that her heart is closed. Getting naked is one thing, but it is another thing altogether for someone to reveal their true-self.

Yet, what would have made it hard for him to realise this is if he was caught up in what was taking place. His emotions would then have been all over the place, making it hard for him to think clearly.

What's going on?

A man like this could come to believe that this is just what women are like - the downside here is that this is would mean that there is not a lot that he can do. This area of his life is going to be completely out of his hands.

What can't be overlooked here is that he is the person who keeps showing up, which means that he is playing a part in what is going on. If he was to go deep within himself, he may find is that the reason he keeps ending up with women like this is due to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable.

Two Levels

Consciously, then, he will have the desire to find a woman who is unavailable, but unconsciously, he will not want to get too close to a woman. The women he attracts are then going to be mirroring back what is taking place within him at a deeper level.

The reason he can't see this can be due to the defences that he has built up over the years; these defences will keep his feelings at bay. If these defences were removed, he might soon realise why he experiences life in this way.

Way Back

During his early years, his mother may have ended up getting to close to him, smothering him in the process. This would have caused him to feel violated, yet he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.

Emotionally shutting down would have most likely been the only way for him to handle this pain. This would have caused him to lose touch with his emotional self, but this would have been a small price to pay.

Awareness

Deep within his being, getting emotionally close to a woman will be seen as something that will cause him to lose himself - to be annihilated. His conscious mind will experience a fair amount of anger and frustration by experiencing life in this way, but to his unconscious mind this will be what feels safe.

If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change this area of his life, he may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, he will be able to work through his inner wounds.

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Hold Your Hand Like This, and See What Follows

Relationships: Is It Possible To End Up With The Wrong Person?

Just as one can choose something on a menu and end up finding out that it is not very appealing to their taste buds; they can also end up choosing someone to be in a relationship with, only to find out that they are not a good match. However, although one can just stop eating a meal that doesn't do anything for them, they might not simply be able to walk away from a relationship that is not right.

Due to the amount of time that one has been with this person for, they may have become strongly attached to them. If they are not a good match this is going to be bad enough, but if the other person is abusive, it is going to be even worse.

A Mismatch

There would have most likely been the type of person who they had in mind before they got into the relationship and then, there would have been the type of person who they actually ended up with once they did. If they were to compare the idea that they had in their head with the person they are with, it could similar to the difference between night and day.

Due to how different this person is, one could wonder how they have ended up in this position. It could be as if they have ordered one meal but ended up being given another meal entirely.

A One-Off

If this is the first time that this has taken place, it might be easier for them to handle. One could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and that their luck will soon change.

So, once they cut their ties with this person, it might only be a matter of time before they are able to find someone who is right for them. It might not be easy for them to end the relationship but it will be something that they need to do.

A Pattern

Then again, there is the chance that this is not the first time that this has taken place. In fact, this could be a scenario that has played out for as long as they can remember.

They will have been with a number of people who were not right for them. Consequently, one could see themselves as being unlucky or they could believe that someone or something is holding them back.

No Effect

Bearing in mind that there will be what one wants and then there will be what they get, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel as though they have no control over this area of their life. When it comes to other areas of their life, it could be a very different story.

For example, one could have a very successful career and they may have a number of close friends. If one was able to detach from what is going on in this area of their life and to think about why this area of their life might this way, it may give them the opportunity to change their life.

A Deeper Look

Through being curious about why their life is the way it is and looking for answers, they may come to see that there are at least two parts to their being. One part is called their conscious mind and another part is called their unconscious mind.

The first part will have a have small impact on their life, while the second part will have a big impact on their life. What may then occur to them is that, for so long, they were not even aware that this part of them existed, let alone aware of what was taking place in this part of them.

Turning the Lights On

By becoming aware of what is taking place in this part of their being, they might gradually come to see why they are drawn to certain people. These people might only tick a few of the boxes that they have in their conscious mind, but they will most likely tick off all the boxes that are in their unconscious mind.

In a way, their conscious mind will be like one person and their unconscious mind will be like another. But even though there are two people, one of these people will have far more control than the other.

The Primary Need

This other person is not going to be interested in being with someone who will make them happy or who will respect them, for instance; what this person really wants it to replay what took place many, many years ago. In other words, their unconscious mind will want one to be with someone who will allow them to re-experience what took place during their early years.

This is not because this part of their being wants to see them suffer; it is because this part of them wants them to heal their wounds and to become whole. By coming into contact with someone who is also wounded in a similar way, it will bring up to the surface the parts of them that they have lost touch with, and thereby allow them to work through their pain.

Self-Knowledge

Without this understanding in place, it is will be perfectly normal for one to see other people as the problem. History will be repeating itself but one's conscious mind will be completely unaware of what is going on.

Instead of being able to see that is going on and to heal their inner wounds, they will just react to what is taking place. More pain will then be added to their existing pain, as opposed to working through the pain that they have been carrying for so long.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to work through their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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One of The Most Eye Opening Speeches | WILL SMITH

Relationships: Why Do Some Men Want A Mother Figure?

Just because a man looks like a man, it doesn't mean that he feels likes like a man on the inside. What is going on externally is then going to have very little to do with what is going on internally.

Still, even though his physical appearance will create the impression that he is a man, it doesn't mean that his behaviour will create the same impression. His behaviour is then going to shed light on what is happening within him.

Two Experiences

Now, while he may be aware that he feels like a boy, there is also the chance that he isn't aware. If he is aware of this he may end up looking into what he can do to change how he feels.

Through doing this, it will give him to chance to emotionally grow up and to grow into a strong man in the process. On the other hand, if he hasn't been able to step back and how he feels is just seen as a normal part of him, his life is unlikely to change.

An Identity

Due to how long he has felt this way for, it is not going to occur to him that he feels like a boy. The emotional experience that he has is then just going to be seen as part of who he is.

Even so, this doesn't mean that there won't be moments in his life when he ends up feeling frustrated and angry. Yet, when this does happen, it might not be long until he ends up feeling down and even depressed.

A Bleak Existence

As a result of how he feels and the view that he has of himself and the world, it may mean that he is used to being walked over by others. This is likely to show that it is a challenge for him to stand his ground.

Along with this, he may also lack a sense of direction, not knowing what he wants to do with his life. Therefore, even if he has a job, it doesn't mean that he will feel as though he is on the right track.

Up and Down

If his emotions are generally out of balance, this is going to be another area of his life that causes him problems. The emotional part of his being is not going to be on his side, so to speak, it will be working against him.

Consequently, there may be a number of things in the external world that he relies on to sooth his emotions. One way he may do this is by masturbating to porn and/or he might take drugs, for instance.

A Strong Attraction

When it comes to the type of woman that a man like this is drawn to, it is unlikely that this will be a woman who is very feminine. The reason for this is that this man is going to want a woman who possesses what he hasn't developed.

This is not to say that he will be consciously aware of the kind of women that he is attracted to, though, as this could be something that he hasn't thought about. But even if he is not aware of the type of women that he is drawn to, it may become clear if he was to think about the kind of women he has been with or drawn to over the years.

A Closer Look

As he lacks a sense of direction, is emotionally unstable and finds it hard to assert himself, the woman he is drawn to can be someone who takes care of this for him. The woman is then going to be strongly attached to her masculine energy, while he will be strongly attached to his feminine energy.

From the outside, a woman like this may appear to be a strong woman, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. Instead, this could be a woman who has lost touch with her feminine aspect due to the fact that she doesn't feel safe enough to embrace this side of her being.

A False-Self

The self that she presents to the world is then a mask that she we wears to keep her inner wounds at bay. How she feels deep down is then going to be mirrored back to her by the type of man that she ends up with.

Unconsciously, he will see her as someone who will give him that he didn't get as a child and in him, she will see the part of herself that she has lost touch with and needs to be rescued, which means that both of them will be emotionally unavailable and unable to be present in the relationship. Both of them will be playing a role, making it more or less impossible for them to deeply connect with each other.

The Way Forward

In order for a man like this to end up with a woman who is in touch with her feminine aspect, he will need to embrace his masculine aspect. By working through his own inner wounds, he will no longer look toward a women to give him a sense of direction, to sooth his emotions or to sort his challenges out.

Once this has taken place, a will be able to attract a woman who has embraced her feminine aspect and feels safe enough to be vulnerable around him. There may be moments when he occasionally sees her as his mother, but a big part of him will know that she isn't.

Awareness

If a man is looking for a mother figure it may show that his mother and father were emotionally unavailable during his early years. The love that he needed from his mother and the guidance that he needed from his father wouldn't have been provided.

When it comes to healing the early damage, a man may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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The Mindset of a Billionaire - Learn How To Think Correctly

Kindness Is Differential Blindness

If life has taught me anything it is that I am selfish. I'm being honest. I don't see very well at times. But times when I do see well, I'm prone to going my own way. I like to agree with those who think like me, and I tend to judge people who think differently.

I am not very kind at times. Indeed, I think it is more the case that kindness is something I've had to work on. It isn't something that comes naturally. I think this is the case for most of us.

I want to suggest that kindness is more than we think it is.

The test of our kindness is the situation that runs cross-grain to our values.

We're kind when we are when we don't want to be.

Can we be kind to someone who operates against our sensibilities and rationalities? If we are responsible persons, can we be kind to those who are irresponsible? If we are irresponsible can we be kind to those who are responsible? Perhaps we assume that kindness is the realm of only those who take responsibility. Or maybe we're overthinking it!

Kindness is that ability to look beyond the issue and value the person.

It is the capacity to keep honouring a person for who they are, especially when we disagree with what they do or how they think. And if we were to push this to the nth degree, we might give the onus of whether we are being kind or not to their perception. We think we're being kind, but what do they say?

This is the kind of gospel force behind the Rev Wade Watts and how he won over the infamous KKK 2nd grand wizard, Johnny Lee Clary. No matter what Clary did to scare Watts, the Rev kept praying for and loving on Clary. Such kindness was shown amid persecution over a period of several years. Clary became at first befuddled, and then came to be won over by the first exemplification of God's love he witnessed for himself.

Kindness is a game-changer. It is a love set apart from the world.

It is only ever true kindness when it is done as a choice of self-sacrifice, and not for some indirect gain. I think we can all agree, much kindness we give and receive is done for selfish motives, because we will gain something from our generosity.

Genuine kindness, therefore, is utterly enigmatic to the world. It actually makes no sense at all. And this is why it is even so rare in the church. Who would actually invite persecution and keep on loving back? That is so Jesus-like, and we never think to attempt to pull it off for ourselves.

Who would suffer attack and keep believing the best about the other person?

Answer: the kind person.

True kindness will lead us to love a person beyond their differing viewpoint or their negative treatment of us.

It will lead us to the bigger picture; to recognise the sanctity of the person before us and the freedom operating within them that sits behind the construction of their views. What explains their freedom also explains our own - the loving kindness of God to give us each our choice. Will we love or not?

We may also see that, though we believe our thinking to be right, we all make the same mistakes. We can only see and agree with our own view and those who think like us. The moment we are able to see this, others don't appear so threatening, and they may begin to perceive us as nonthreatening also.

We truly live in a divisive world where authentic kindness, for its own reasons and not because it agrees with our interests, is rare.

Kindness is differential blindness, because we need to see past our differences to be truly kind. Being kind to those it is easy to be kind to is no real kindness. It is the unlovable person who is difficult to love that proves whether our actions are loving or not. If we love someone who is easy to love, we did our love because it was easy, and that isn't love.

Yet... the majesty of kindness is that it's so simple, it is easy.

When we truly wrestle with and master kindness we will find the keys to being able to forgive, for forgiveness is simply kindness, which is a love offered to the person notwithstanding the issues standing between us. Kindness leaves, trusts no less, the judgment to God. It likewise apologises sincerely for any wrongdoing done and trauma experienced.

Kindness, therefore, is justice done and reconciliation effected.

Kindness is blind to the differences between us. It sees the intrinsic value in the other person.

Kindness has the power to heal the world. Worlds healed not through power but through kindness.

Worlds will be changed, yours, mine, ours when kindness defines us, not powers.

God will bless the kind. Strive therefore to be kind.

The power in kindness is yours to give away. Such a power loves fully and is done without fear. Such a power as this... it builds, it supports, it empowers.

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Morning Motivational Video to Start Your Day ! Wake up Positive !

Relationships: Is It A Good Sign If Someone Is Extremely Attracted To Another Person?

While one could come across another person and not really experience anything, they could come across someone else and it could be as if their whole being has been hijacked. But, even though this is the case, it doesn't mean that one will see this as a bad thing.

One will then have lost control, yet it will be seen as a sign that they have met someone who is right for them. Every part of their being is then going to be on green, telling them to move ahead.

An Analogy

Therefore, this scenario is likely to be very similar to how it would be if one went to look for a new car. There will be cars that don't do it for them, cars that they like but are not enamoured with, and cars that they are strongly drawn to.

In will then be a good idea for them to buy the car that really draws them in, that's if they have the means to do so. If they end up with a car that doesn't do it for them, it is unlikely that they will enjoy having the car.

One Direction

So, just like being drawn to a car will tell them that the car is right for them, being strongly attracted to someone will tell them that the peons is right for them. As a result of this, one will want to do what they can to take things further.

Another thing that they may feel the need to do, after having met some like this, is to tell the people in their life about what has happened. They could end up telling these people that they have met someone who is perfect for them.

Emotionally Uplifted

No matter what their emotional state was like before they met this person, there is a strong chance that it has radically changed since that point in time. If they were not in a good place, now they will be, and, if they were in a good place, they will probably feel even better.

In fact, it could seem as though they have been taken to another planet or that the planet they live on is so much better. It then won't be necessary for one to be with this person in order to feel better; they will only need to think about them.

The Next Step

Let's say that the other person is also attracted to them and things do progress, one could start to think about the future. They might think about what it will be like to live with this person and to even start a family with them, for instance.

Now, as time passes, it could become clear that they are in a relationship with someone who is right for them. It was then a good thing that they responded in the way that they did, when they first came into contact with this person.

Another Scenario

At the same time, what one may find that this person is not good for them as time goes by. And, while this person might simply not be a good match; it could end up being far worse.

For example, they could end up coming to see that they are with someone who is verbally or physically abusive. One will then have been on one side of the emotional spectrum at the beginning, only to go to the other side of it as time has gone by.

Unbelievable

If one felt so good at the beginning and just about every part of them was saying 'go for it', it can be hard for them to comprehend how this could have happened. One may end up taking place is that one will feel like a victim.

It can seem as though they were deceived and, as a result, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have been taken advantage of. Nonetheless, just because it seems as though they played no a part in what has occurred; this is unlikely to be so.

A Potential Red Flag

What it is likely to show is that they were simply unaware of what was going on, which is why they had no reason to question what was taking place and allowed themselves to be swept away by it all. Ergo, even though being strongly attracted to this person would have been seen as something positive, they were being deceived by what was taking place within them.

To understand what most likely took place at this stage of their life, it will be necessary take a closer look into why someone would be attracted to another person. It would be easy to believe that this is typically something that takes place when someone likes another person's appearance and their personality.

A Deeper Look

These two elements play a part, that is clear, but they are surface levels factors. There are other elements that play an even bigger role in why one would be attracted to another person.

Below these surface level elements is the part that someone's childhood has on who they are drawn to. Consciously, one can have the need to be with someone who will be a good match for them but, unconsciously, they will have the need to find someone who will allow them to resolve their early wounds.

Repetition Compulsion

Said another way, their conscious mind will want them to be happy, while their unconscious mind will want them to evolve. With this in mind, the reason one can feel a strong attraction to someone can be due to the fact that this person reminds them of one of their caregivers.

At a deeper level, part of them will want to replay what took place all those years ago and then to resolve it. Without realising it, they will be projecting what they didn't get from their caregivers into another person and, as time passes, these positive projections will start to fade out, being replaced by negative projections and the other person's true nature will start to fade in.

Awareness

Taking this into account, if someone feels strongly attracted to someone, it might be a good idea for them to step back and to reflect. Doing this might save them a lot of pain in the long-term.

What this emphasises is that while ones conscious mind can forget about what happened in the past, their unconscious mind doesn't forget. This part of them will reveal why they are attracted to certain people.

If one finds that they have the tendency to be attracted to the wrong people, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Jim Carrey - How To Find Happiness In Life | A Chilling Speech

Relationships: Can Someone Have Relationship Problems If They Lack Self-Awareness?

In the same way that someone would need to be in the right place in order to drive a car, they would also need to be in the right place to have a relationship. When it comes to the former, if someone was unable to drive or was drunk, it wouldn't be a good idea for them to drive.

On the other, when it comes to the latter, if someone generally neglected themselves and felt as though their life lacked meaning, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to start a relationship. One wouldn't be in a good place, so it is unlikely that they would end up finding someone who is in a good way either.

Not a Problem

However, if they have the ability to detach from what they are going through and are able to see themselves in a more objective manner, they will be able to do something about their current situation. Therefore, in the same way that one would realise that they would need to learn how to drive before they try to drive a car, they will see that they have work to do on themselves.

This might frustrate them in the short-term, but at the same time, they will be able to see that it will be worth it in the long-term. They might see that if they were to simply go ahead and find someone anyway, it would set them up to have even more challenges to overcome.

One Step at A Time

Not going right ahead and being patient, will give them more energy to work on their own issues. Putting their foot on the break, so to speak, will most likely allow them to come into contact with someone who is actually going to aid in their own evolution as opposed to adding more drama to their life.

This process can take place by them reading books and applying what they learn, and they may need to reach out for external support. Simply having access to a search engine can give them access to all kinds of information.

The Next Phase

And, in the same way that someone would need to be in the right place to drive a car, they would also need to pay attention to what is going on when they are in the car. Likewise, there will be what needs to take place before one gets into a relationship and then, there will be what needs to happen when they are in one.

When it comes to driving a car, one will need to be aware of what is going on around them and what is taking place on the dashboard, for instance. In a relationship, one will need to be aware of the effect that their behaviour has on the other person.

Other Elements

Along with this, being aware of what their needs and expectations are will also help. This will give them the opportunity to see if it is actually possible for their partner to meet a certain need and if they should have a certain expectation.

Having a good level of emotional intelligence will also help, as this will allow them to take responsibility for how they feel. This will make them less likely to project their emotions onto their partner or shut down and to be moody if conflict arises.

It's Perfectly Clear

When one not only has a certain level of self-awareness, but has the desire to continually improve their level of self-awareness and to heal their wounds, they will be able to find a way to resolve a lot of their issues and to come into contact with someone who is a good match for them.

Through being this way, they will have the ability to handle what takes place within them and what takes place without once they are in a relationship. In other words, they will know how to drive and they will be on the ball when they are driving.

A Radically Different Scenario

The alternative will be for someone to have very little, if any, self-awareness while they are single and to be this way when they are in a relationship. It will then be a challenge for them to detach from what is taking place within them and to see themselves objectively.

Regardless of what is going for them, they can still end up looking for a relationship. This may mean that they will find someone who is in a good place or it may mean that they will find someone who will cause them a lot of problems.

The Next Part

Once they get to this stage, they may expect their partner to meet all their needs and expectations. When this doesn't take place, they can believe that the other person has let them down.

Also, they can have the inclination to blame their partner for how they feel and to act moody when something doesn't go their way, demonstrating their lack of emotional intelligence. One can then be totally oblivious to the effect that their behaviour is having on their partner.

Awareness

The trouble is that if someone does lack self-awareness, they can end up playing the victim when something goes wrong, which can just make their life even worse. The sooner they can start to develop self-awareness, the better their life will be.

Thankfully, there are all kinds of resources online that can help someone to do just that. With the desire and the drive to develop self-awareness, there is no reason why someone can't do this.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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