If life has taught me anything it is that I am selfish. I'm being honest. I don't see very well at times. But times when I do see well, I'm prone to going my own way. I like to agree with those who think like me, and I tend to judge people who think differently.
I am not very kind at times. Indeed, I think it is more the case that kindness is something I've had to work on. It isn't something that comes naturally. I think this is the case for most of us.
I want to suggest that kindness is more than we think it is.
The test of our kindness is the situation that runs cross-grain to our values.
We're kind when we are when we don't want to be.
Can we be kind to someone who operates against our sensibilities and rationalities? If we are responsible persons, can we be kind to those who are irresponsible? If we are irresponsible can we be kind to those who are responsible? Perhaps we assume that kindness is the realm of only those who take responsibility. Or maybe we're overthinking it!
Kindness is that ability to look beyond the issue and value the person.
It is the capacity to keep honouring a person for who they are, especially when we disagree with what they do or how they think. And if we were to push this to the nth degree, we might give the onus of whether we are being kind or not to their perception. We think we're being kind, but what do they say?
This is the kind of gospel force behind the Rev Wade Watts and how he won over the infamous KKK 2nd grand wizard, Johnny Lee Clary. No matter what Clary did to scare Watts, the Rev kept praying for and loving on Clary. Such kindness was shown amid persecution over a period of several years. Clary became at first befuddled, and then came to be won over by the first exemplification of God's love he witnessed for himself.
Kindness is a game-changer. It is a love set apart from the world.
It is only ever true kindness when it is done as a choice of self-sacrifice, and not for some indirect gain. I think we can all agree, much kindness we give and receive is done for selfish motives, because we will gain something from our generosity.
Genuine kindness, therefore, is utterly enigmatic to the world. It actually makes no sense at all. And this is why it is even so rare in the church. Who would actually invite persecution and keep on loving back? That is so Jesus-like, and we never think to attempt to pull it off for ourselves.
Who would suffer attack and keep believing the best about the other person?
Answer: the kind person.
True kindness will lead us to love a person beyond their differing viewpoint or their negative treatment of us.
It will lead us to the bigger picture; to recognise the sanctity of the person before us and the freedom operating within them that sits behind the construction of their views. What explains their freedom also explains our own - the loving kindness of God to give us each our choice. Will we love or not?
We may also see that, though we believe our thinking to be right, we all make the same mistakes. We can only see and agree with our own view and those who think like us. The moment we are able to see this, others don't appear so threatening, and they may begin to perceive us as nonthreatening also.
We truly live in a divisive world where authentic kindness, for its own reasons and not because it agrees with our interests, is rare.
Kindness is differential blindness, because we need to see past our differences to be truly kind. Being kind to those it is easy to be kind to is no real kindness. It is the unlovable person who is difficult to love that proves whether our actions are loving or not. If we love someone who is easy to love, we did our love because it was easy, and that isn't love.
Yet... the majesty of kindness is that it's so simple, it is easy.
When we truly wrestle with and master kindness we will find the keys to being able to forgive, for forgiveness is simply kindness, which is a love offered to the person notwithstanding the issues standing between us. Kindness leaves, trusts no less, the judgment to God. It likewise apologises sincerely for any wrongdoing done and trauma experienced.
Kindness, therefore, is justice done and reconciliation effected.
Kindness is blind to the differences between us. It sees the intrinsic value in the other person.
Kindness has the power to heal the world. Worlds healed not through power but through kindness.
Worlds will be changed, yours, mine, ours when kindness defines us, not powers.
God will bless the kind. Strive therefore to be kind.
The power in kindness is yours to give away. Such a power loves fully and is done without fear. Such a power as this... it builds, it supports, it empowers.
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While one could come across another person and not really experience anything, they could come across someone else and it could be as if their whole being has been hijacked. But, even though this is the case, it doesn't mean that one will see this as a bad thing.
One will then have lost control, yet it will be seen as a sign that they have met someone who is right for them. Every part of their being is then going to be on green, telling them to move ahead.
An Analogy
Therefore, this scenario is likely to be very similar to how it would be if one went to look for a new car. There will be cars that don't do it for them, cars that they like but are not enamoured with, and cars that they are strongly drawn to.
In will then be a good idea for them to buy the car that really draws them in, that's if they have the means to do so. If they end up with a car that doesn't do it for them, it is unlikely that they will enjoy having the car.
One Direction
So, just like being drawn to a car will tell them that the car is right for them, being strongly attracted to someone will tell them that the peons is right for them. As a result of this, one will want to do what they can to take things further.
Another thing that they may feel the need to do, after having met some like this, is to tell the people in their life about what has happened. They could end up telling these people that they have met someone who is perfect for them.
Emotionally Uplifted
No matter what their emotional state was like before they met this person, there is a strong chance that it has radically changed since that point in time. If they were not in a good place, now they will be, and, if they were in a good place, they will probably feel even better.
In fact, it could seem as though they have been taken to another planet or that the planet they live on is so much better. It then won't be necessary for one to be with this person in order to feel better; they will only need to think about them.
The Next Step
Let's say that the other person is also attracted to them and things do progress, one could start to think about the future. They might think about what it will be like to live with this person and to even start a family with them, for instance.
Now, as time passes, it could become clear that they are in a relationship with someone who is right for them. It was then a good thing that they responded in the way that they did, when they first came into contact with this person.
Another Scenario
At the same time, what one may find that this person is not good for them as time goes by. And, while this person might simply not be a good match; it could end up being far worse.
For example, they could end up coming to see that they are with someone who is verbally or physically abusive. One will then have been on one side of the emotional spectrum at the beginning, only to go to the other side of it as time has gone by.
Unbelievable
If one felt so good at the beginning and just about every part of them was saying 'go for it', it can be hard for them to comprehend how this could have happened. One may end up taking place is that one will feel like a victim.
It can seem as though they were deceived and, as a result, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have been taken advantage of. Nonetheless, just because it seems as though they played no a part in what has occurred; this is unlikely to be so.
A Potential Red Flag
What it is likely to show is that they were simply unaware of what was going on, which is why they had no reason to question what was taking place and allowed themselves to be swept away by it all. Ergo, even though being strongly attracted to this person would have been seen as something positive, they were being deceived by what was taking place within them.
To understand what most likely took place at this stage of their life, it will be necessary take a closer look into why someone would be attracted to another person. It would be easy to believe that this is typically something that takes place when someone likes another person's appearance and their personality.
A Deeper Look
These two elements play a part, that is clear, but they are surface levels factors. There are other elements that play an even bigger role in why one would be attracted to another person.
Below these surface level elements is the part that someone's childhood has on who they are drawn to. Consciously, one can have the need to be with someone who will be a good match for them but, unconsciously, they will have the need to find someone who will allow them to resolve their early wounds.
Repetition Compulsion
Said another way, their conscious mind will want them to be happy, while their unconscious mind will want them to evolve. With this in mind, the reason one can feel a strong attraction to someone can be due to the fact that this person reminds them of one of their caregivers.
At a deeper level, part of them will want to replay what took place all those years ago and then to resolve it. Without realising it, they will be projecting what they didn't get from their caregivers into another person and, as time passes, these positive projections will start to fade out, being replaced by negative projections and the other person's true nature will start to fade in.
Awareness
Taking this into account, if someone feels strongly attracted to someone, it might be a good idea for them to step back and to reflect. Doing this might save them a lot of pain in the long-term.
What this emphasises is that while ones conscious mind can forget about what happened in the past, their unconscious mind doesn't forget. This part of them will reveal why they are attracted to certain people.
If one finds that they have the tendency to be attracted to the wrong people, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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In the same way that someone would need to be in the right place in order to drive a car, they would also need to be in the right place to have a relationship. When it comes to the former, if someone was unable to drive or was drunk, it wouldn't be a good idea for them to drive.
On the other, when it comes to the latter, if someone generally neglected themselves and felt as though their life lacked meaning, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to start a relationship. One wouldn't be in a good place, so it is unlikely that they would end up finding someone who is in a good way either.
Not a Problem
However, if they have the ability to detach from what they are going through and are able to see themselves in a more objective manner, they will be able to do something about their current situation. Therefore, in the same way that one would realise that they would need to learn how to drive before they try to drive a car, they will see that they have work to do on themselves.
This might frustrate them in the short-term, but at the same time, they will be able to see that it will be worth it in the long-term. They might see that if they were to simply go ahead and find someone anyway, it would set them up to have even more challenges to overcome.
One Step at A Time
Not going right ahead and being patient, will give them more energy to work on their own issues. Putting their foot on the break, so to speak, will most likely allow them to come into contact with someone who is actually going to aid in their own evolution as opposed to adding more drama to their life.
This process can take place by them reading books and applying what they learn, and they may need to reach out for external support. Simply having access to a search engine can give them access to all kinds of information.
The Next Phase
And, in the same way that someone would need to be in the right place to drive a car, they would also need to pay attention to what is going on when they are in the car. Likewise, there will be what needs to take place before one gets into a relationship and then, there will be what needs to happen when they are in one.
When it comes to driving a car, one will need to be aware of what is going on around them and what is taking place on the dashboard, for instance. In a relationship, one will need to be aware of the effect that their behaviour has on the other person.
Other Elements
Along with this, being aware of what their needs and expectations are will also help. This will give them the opportunity to see if it is actually possible for their partner to meet a certain need and if they should have a certain expectation.
Having a good level of emotional intelligence will also help, as this will allow them to take responsibility for how they feel. This will make them less likely to project their emotions onto their partner or shut down and to be moody if conflict arises.
It's Perfectly Clear
When one not only has a certain level of self-awareness, but has the desire to continually improve their level of self-awareness and to heal their wounds, they will be able to find a way to resolve a lot of their issues and to come into contact with someone who is a good match for them.
Through being this way, they will have the ability to handle what takes place within them and what takes place without once they are in a relationship. In other words, they will know how to drive and they will be on the ball when they are driving.
A Radically Different Scenario
The alternative will be for someone to have very little, if any, self-awareness while they are single and to be this way when they are in a relationship. It will then be a challenge for them to detach from what is taking place within them and to see themselves objectively.
Regardless of what is going for them, they can still end up looking for a relationship. This may mean that they will find someone who is in a good place or it may mean that they will find someone who will cause them a lot of problems.
The Next Part
Once they get to this stage, they may expect their partner to meet all their needs and expectations. When this doesn't take place, they can believe that the other person has let them down.
Also, they can have the inclination to blame their partner for how they feel and to act moody when something doesn't go their way, demonstrating their lack of emotional intelligence. One can then be totally oblivious to the effect that their behaviour is having on their partner.
Awareness
The trouble is that if someone does lack self-awareness, they can end up playing the victim when something goes wrong, which can just make their life even worse. The sooner they can start to develop self-awareness, the better their life will be.
Thankfully, there are all kinds of resources online that can help someone to do just that. With the desire and the drive to develop self-awareness, there is no reason why someone can't do this.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Many of us are ignorant of the fact that a water cooler and a water dispenser are entirely different things. While water cooler cools water a dispenser may or may not. The market today is flooded with water dispensers and offers an extensive list to choose from according to your need and budget and selecting amongst them can be a herculean task for some of us.
Following are some of the factors worth considering before buying a water dispenser:
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Safety-features: Dispensers come with a child - lock feature to prevent children from spilling water. Also, it saves children from burning their skin by using the hot water faucet.
Look: Water dispensers nowadays come in appealing styles and finishes to blend in well with the decor of the area whether you want it to be installed in the office area or in your kitchen or public premises like hospitals or even parks.
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We use the latest and advanced filtration technique to serve you the purest water. Our company has added some of the complimentary features to suit your needs like coffee-brewing along with hot and cold water, mini- refrigerator, purity scale indicator to name a few. Contact our customer executives they will show you water-dispenser that best fits your budget and needs.
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